Control Freak on a Roller Coaster

My ministry journey began at a young age. At age 3, I told my grandmother that I would take over our church when my grandfather, my pastor, retired. As the years have gone on, God confirmed in my heart His call on my life to the ministry. And yet. . . 

There have still been changes in my life. Twists and turns as I have prayed about what God would have me to do with my life. For a time, I thought missions. Then it was career youth pastor before becoming a youth evangelist. Then it was back to missions again. I constantly look at my life and see a roller coaster effect that has engulfed me. If you've known me for any length of time, you know that I absolutely detest roller coasters. I can't get on them at all. I hate the feeling of not being in control of how my body is moving—that some outside force could take my body and move it in a way that would destroy it. That's how my mind has felt about my future. 

I have thought that I want to plan everything that I do in my ministry. That I will have a plan and trust God to help me bring that plan to pass.  But that's not the way God works. He has His plan that He wants to work in my life. He wants to make my control freak mind and take over the controls.  

There have been times where I have let Him take control, and He has blessed me for it. There have been other times that I have kept control, and He has used me in spite of myself. Yet I have found that through following His plan and surrendering to His will, God is able to use me and bless me so much more than following my own plans. 

So where have I come from? I used to be a guy who said that I will be an assistant and youth pastor only. I used to be the guy who said that I'll be the number two man in a church. You know where God has me now? He's changed my heart and wants me to be involved as much as I can in church planting, one of the biggest roller coaster rides of ministry. 

I may never get on a roller coaster again. I have no desire to do so. My control freak body can't get past the fears that come with it. But my control freak mind and heart have been learning and will continue to learn to submit to the God whose will is better than mine and whose plan is more detailed than mine. He controls the roller coaster better than I can control my body.

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